Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Short one...

...because I'm trying to wean myself off the Dilaudid I've been one for five or six weeks now, and it's not a fun process at all. I'm trying to hang in there, waiting to hear from my doctor's office to see if there are any tips or tricks that they know to help make the transition off the meds easier. I'm a lot less sore these days, and rather more mobile, but that's offset by the lovely headaches, the vomiting and intestinal complaints, and the charming depression and ennui I'm dealing with. Needless to say, I'm not at my very best. Thankfully, I have Jim to pat my hair while I'm throwing up two out of three meals (i'm sticking to liquids now, makes things less painful), and to make me Jello so that I can feel like I'm eating real food when I'm ravenous and to give me a kick in the ass and make me walk sometimes. What I really, really want, is to get to the part of this that's easy. I'm beginning to suspect that there is no easy part, even though the end of my recovery period is finally in sight (i go back to work august 8th. i will be off the narcotics, i will be moving like i used to. somehow...).

Anyway, my darlings, that's all I have for you today. I haven't been online much lately, so I thought I'd let you know I'm still hanging on.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Lazy Days...

...are the only kind I've known of late, which is really quite all right by me. Thank you all for the support and the love and the bracing feedback on my last post. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and be patient, but well, sometimes you've just gotta have a good wallow.

I went in for a three-week checkup (has it really been that long already?) on Thursday, and I'm healing up pretty well. Physically, I'm where I should be, and everything I'm experiencing is normal. The exhaustion (when i mentioned that to my doctor, he definitely gave me a "duh" look and reminded me that i had had MAJOR SURGERY in big letters and that will make you tired), the appetite issues and mood swings and even a little depression are all totally normal. I'd suspected as much, but it's nice to be reminded that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm a little more mobile, if I take my time and move slowly. And in a lot of ways, that's a good thing.

I tend to rush through life, and through most of my days, and it's a good thing to be forced to slow down and take my time with, well, everything. I put more care and more time into the things I do now, because I only have enough energy to do the things that really matter. And if they're worth doing while I'm healing, they're worth doing well. I'm also learning to pay more attention to my body and what it needs. It's never really failed me before, so I've just kind of taken it for granted that it would do what I wanted it to, and what I needed it to. Honestly, I never really thought much about what my body needed. I just moved along, doing what needed doing, and making my body comply. In a lot of ways, it wasn't so much a part of me, as it was a tool. There was a definite disconnect there, that I'm only now really seeing. And so I'm learning to be more aware, to listen and to be kind to my body. After all, it is me, and as such, it deserves a little consideration.

Jim and I headed down to New Jersey last night to see some fireworks with my family. It was wonderful to see everyone, and to just feel at least mostly normal. I met my cousin Maggie's friend, whose father is the kind doctor who helped me by finding me my amazing surgeon. That was pretty neat. And I got to spend a little time with my Jersey Girls. It was entirely unplanned, but we all ended up at the fireworks display that our old high school puts on every year. And so we talked and relaxed and saw some pretty fireworks (i'm as bad as the little kids. i oooh and aaah over every little sparkler, but fireworks just fill me with wonder) and had a lovely time. Physically, I was exhausted by the time we were home. But emotionally, I felt recharged and restored. I'm also starting to realize how important it is to me to see my girls and my family, and how comforting and refreshing it is. I always leave a visit tired, but peaceful.

And since today is Independence Day, I want to give thanks to everyone who has served the US, to everyone who is still serving, and to everyone who will make the choice to serve. Whether you be Army, Navy, Coast Guard, or Reserves, thank you. Whether you're a mechanic, a SEAL, an infantryman on the front line, or a supply clerk, thank you. Your courage, valor, strength, and committment honor us. And my deepest gratitude to the families of those who serve. You are just as courageous, just as strong as those who you love and support. As a country, we may not agree with the wars we're fighting, but we should always, always agree that our troops and their families deserve to be honored and remembered. Thank you.

I hope everyone, whether in the States or abroad, gets a long, lazy weekend with food and loved ones and sunshine. I think we all deserve it.