Monday, February 21, 2011

How To Make The Perfect Snow Angel

...because the blog needs a little lightness, and the last entry probably made you guys think I am sitting here writing emo poetry in my own tears or something (not to make too light of a really tough situation. i truly appreciate the love and support. jim and i are sorting through things as best we can). Also, the last of the massive piles of snow has finally melted, so I can think about snow without feeling like gnawing on my own hair in frustration. And my Aussie friends could probably use a bit of a respite from their heat.

Step 1: Bundle up! In this picture, I am wearing a hat, scarf, two pairs of pants, three shirts, stockings, wool socks, and I have chemical handwarmers inside my gloves. It was surprisingly warm that day, but I appreciated all the warmth nonetheless. And when you're flopping around in the snow, make sure everything is really well tucked in, so you don't have bits of snow sneaking in and melting on the back of your neck or your ankles or your wrists.

Step 2: Find some pristine snow to defile. Look for a nice big, flat, smooth expanse of snow that's just begging to be frolicked on. Maybe get a nice picture of how crisp and clean the snow looks before you roll around in it. Front yards are good if you want a high-profile snow angel, but they tend to have more traffic to contend with. Backyards tend to be peaceful and to have plenty of space.

Step 3: Flop! Yup, just spin to face the direction you want your feet in, then flop down on your back. You can leap a little if you really want to, but that might untuck all your bundling, so exercise caution. Once you've dug yourself into a nice little niche, spread your arms and legs out, then wave them up and down like you're doing jumping jacks or maybe spinning. When you think you're done, lay there and stare at the sky for a couple of minutes. If you're me, wonder what happened to your camera during all the flailing.

Step 4 (and the only tricky one): Stand up. First, sit up. Then, trying to lean as little as possible on your hands so they don't make any unsightly dents, stand up and take a big, long step away from your handiwork. Notice the smooth lines your flailing made and the way your excellent hat kept the snow off the back of your warm little neck. Feel good that you made this beautiful snow angel instead of shoveling your car out, since you have four wheel drive and some pretty good ground clearance.

And there you have it. Should you ever be presented with a situation where you must create the perfect snow angel on pain of pain, you will be well prepared. I hope you guys are all having lovely weather. We are getting more snow tonight, but it should only be a few inches.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dear Blog

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you still. I'm not as busy these days, and I don't really have an excuse. I have a reason. I miss you, blog. You're a place where I can write about what's happening in my little slice of the world, work through things that are puzzling me, share joys and find solace for my sorrows. But lately, dear blog, I have been feeling off. And by lately, I mean the last several months.

You see, my relationship with Jim has been deteriorating, unraveling like a piece of knitting that's been slipped off the needles. I have been given lots of well-meaning advice, and have figured some things out on my own. But what I miss, really and truly, is how you listen. How I can tell you things in my own way at my own pace and you don't jump in and ask questions. How I can break down a little and you don't judge me for it or give me pity or fake sympathy. You simply listen, and that is a gift. But, dear blog, while I will tell you my secrets and hopes and fears and dreams, I don't think it's fair to share secrets and personal information that aren't mine--or exclusively mine. So I have not talked about Jim much, or our relationship in depth. I realize now that these relationship issues have affected me more deeply than I realized, and for longer than I suspected. And without the release of talking to you, so much emotion has been bottled up that I feel I might burst.

Still, there are other things we can discuss and I have been remiss in sharing them. Please know that it isn't because I've grown tired of you, or because I feel you aren't worthy to know and see and share these things. It's more that as things have progressed with Jim, I have drawn further and further into myself, sharing less and reaching out less. I'm not shunning you, I have been hibernating this whole winter. I have retreated into myself to try to rest after an exhausting, tumultuous year and to try to heal some of the hurts that I am wrestling with. I can maintain a brave face for most of the people I know, but I don't lie to you that way. Rather than try, I have simply absented myself.

Please don't think that my world is ending, or that I am sitting here writing dreadful emo poetry with my own tears or blood or other horrible things. I feel rather bleak most days, but as we have found out together, I am never broken. Jim and I are considering counseling, and trying to figure out if we can or want to salvage our relationship. Perhaps I will have better news for you in the spring. Know that I miss you, and that I feel our separation most deeply.

Always And Ever Yours,