I made that!

This is yarn! I made it. I'm so amazed by the whole process and that I was able to take a bunch of fluff and turn it into something usable and kind of cool. No pictures of finished yarn yet, there were some complications with today, so I was pretty much entirely unproductive. I did manage to motivate myself enough to take some pictures of my yarny goodness. I had already unwound it and skeined it and washed it and thwacked it.



I figured today would be a good day to share some pictures with you all. I apologize for the slightly babble-y feel of today's post, I'm a little drunk on meds. I woke up this morning with incredible, stabbing pain in my back. I normally have some back pain in this general area when I'm under stress, but this was just intolerable. I decided that just hoping it'd go away eventually was not an option and that I needed to find the cause of all this. I went to a see a very nice choripractor, who took some measurements and some x-rays and we'll talk about my options on Monday. Until then, I'm taking lots of over-the-counter pain meds and trying to distract myself. Thankfully, I didn't have work today, but I will have to deal with a long day tomorrow.

Momolla, Dadums, and probably my cousin Cheryl and my big sister El will be coming for dinner on Sunday. The back will be bearable by then, Momolla and I are planning on spinning. It should be a pleasant afternoon. Momolla insisted on providing the food for dinner, since Jim and I are, well, beyond poor. She also very generously donated an entire freezer full of meat to me and Jim when her old freezer died. We're set for the next month or two, easily. Momolla also sent Valentine's candy for us. Damn, she's awesome. I have meat and chocolate, so life is not all bad.

Here's the yarn in skeined form. It's not perfect or even or particularly amazing. But I made it with my own two hands, and I feel pretty accomplished looking at it. Plying (spinning the two singles i spun together) really evened it out. And thwacking it did a lot towards making it less ridiculously overspun. I'm still not sure quite what weight it is or how much of it I have (this is precisely why I need a scale), but I do have a project in mind for it, and for the rest of the batch of roving that I'm spinning now. This is coopworth wool, and it's been really easy and fun to work with. It's been really easy to handle and has helped me learn.

That's all for tonight from the land of Em. More pictures later in the week. I hope everyone enjoys the weekend.

We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Optimism...

...gosh, I should know better than to blog when I'm sick! That was a little...much, no? I have been scared, and a little depressed, lately, but I've also been trying to focus on hope. We have made it through worse than this before, and we can make it through worse again if we have to. Thank you guys for your support, it means a lot to me to know that you're pulling for me.

There is one thing I'd like to keep from last post, one thing that actually still makes sense and resonates with me. The phrase "I am never broken," is going to be my mantra to get through this big ol' mess. I've thought about it, and I need something simple to remind myself, something to keep gritting my teeth and repeating as needed until I believe it. And, well, it applies. Life has handed me a few troubled times, and it's beaten me down a little. It's never yet broken me, though, and if I have it my way, it never will. I'm actually inspired by the whole song, but well, that takes a little longer to say, you know?

I'm still not feeling quite up to par, but this should be more coherent and less stream-of-consciousness. I've been able to keep food down for the first time in two days, though I'm still reallyreally dehydrated. I just wanted to address that last post, and let you all know that really, I'm mostly okay. I worry and wonder, but I do remind myself that there are still good things in my life, and that there are still people who have more problems and need more help than I do. So, back to focusing on the positive, and reminding myself that we'll be okay. And one more quick quote to round things out, since I'm still into lazy blogging. A real post sometime soon, I promise!

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

--Emily Dickinson

Fevered Blogging...

..because I've had a relapse of the Stomach Ebola that's been going around lately, and it hit me with a vengeance this time around. I'm freezing and fevered and hurty and miserable, which everyone knows are the best blogging conditions around.

I've been feeling pretty defeated the last week or so. I don't need to give you guys a huge account of my personal trials (though heaven knows i always do) but things are tight and I am afraid. I have faith things will get better and that we'll be all right. I'm just not sure what's going to happen between now and the mystical "eventually." Cross your fingers for me, it's starting to look like arson and murder are pretty good options, compared to some of the other ones I'm looking at.

So I've been self medicating to keep myself going. No worries, I'm not abusing drugs or alcohol or even yarn. Goodness knows I couldn't stomach the drugs or alcohol at this point, anyway. But I've been listening to a lot of songs that make me feel hopeful and strong and like I can handle my life. They help, mostly. I've also been reading and spinning and knitting. It helps to take my mind off of the things I can't control too much. Pretty soon, I should have a couple of finished objects to show you guys. One or two of them have been in the making for a while now (but the socks that shall not be named are not on that list. we're still not actually on speaking terms. and i may have mislaid the pattern. again.), thanks to my many issues with finishing things.

Know what my favorite way to cope with feeling like this is? I look right at Jim and ask him to tell me one good thing. "I love you," while true and sweet and wonderful, is considered a cop-out. Sometimes, I play the game with myself. And right now seems like a good opportunity. I'll even throw in a couple of extras. One good thing: I still have a (relatively) warm house to live in. Two good things: we still have food, even if it's ramen and frozen non-brand pizza. Three good things: Jim and I are probably going to get free tickets to the Philadelphia Auto Show, so we can probably keep our annual date. Four good things: it's going to be almost warm tomorrow.

Okay. So, there are good things going on. I may have to reach for them, but they're there. I'm still stressing out over a lot of things, but I think that, so long as I have a home to come to every day and my man and my family, I'm doing all right.

"If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry because worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I will not be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken" --jewel

I am never broken.

Freezing in a Winter Wonderland...

...because it's supposed to snow, and be icy, right up until Friday. Ah, the magic of a Pennsylvania winter. I remember when snow was fun, way back before I had to scrape three inches of it off my car before work every day. At least it's pretty.

Still no pictures for you all, I have to install my new camera software on my computer. The camera is one gift I forgot to mention, but my new little Nikon takes pretty good pictures. The flash is still making my yarn look like it's made of fairy dust with all the sparkle and shine, but it's been much too dark to go without one.

I'm still working on spinning my second round of singles so I can ply something and make real yarn. It's sloooooow going, because I still can't get my flyer (the part that holds the bobbin) to refrain from, well, flying. It likes to launch itself across the room and is driving me to distraction. Every time I get a good rhythm going, the wheel humbles me. We're working on some modifications that might make my life a little easier, I'll let you all know as they develop.

I've decided to take part in the Brown Bag Sock club, but in a limited capacity (i am such a follower when something sounds fun.). I have six yarns to draw from, and a couple of patterns in mind. For my first batch, I ended up with some incredible yarn from the Knittery. Delicious stuff, a gift from the fabulous Australian Fiber Fairies a while back. I think I'll spread the love and give the socks as a gift. I even have someone in mind. The yarn is probably the softest, most luxurious stuff I've knitted with to date (it's a cashmere, merino blend. mmmm, soft and wonderful and soft.) and it tends to behave itself pretty well. I'm wrangling the yarn into Spring Forward socks. The pattern's easy to follow and looks pretty great with the yarn. My only concern is the amount of fiber I have to work with. If I calculate it by yardage, I'm set. The weight's a little less than what's recommended. So, I'm going to wing it. and pray. Let's not discuss the WIP pile. Sometimes, you just need to start something new. It gives you a sense of hope and potential.

Speaking of hope and potential, Jim has finally been laid off from his job. We knew it was coming, his company's been talking about it for months now. They laid off a pretty big selection of people, right up to their upper-level managers. So now Jim's back on the market for a job. He's been really optimistic and upbeat, all things considered. He's got his hooks out, as he says, and we're both crossing our fingers and hoping he'll be back in a decent job soon. I'm still in the market, myself, since it's gotten to the point where I can't afford to work at Pep Boys any longer. They switched us over to commission pay a while back, and since we're a poor, underperforming store, I am making a big chunk less than I used to. This wouldn't be so bad, normally, since I'd be leaning on Jim a little. But, well, he's going to be leaning on me some. So, the quest for a new job has become a bit more urgent. I'm following some leads and crossing my fingers and thinking good thoughts. And if that doesn't work, I'll just start killing people in jobs that I'd like to apply for. Gotta up your chances any way you can, right?

And that's all the news that isn't from Rofo, as all the young kids call it. I'll be checking back in soon, hopefully with pictures. Hope your week is warm, dry, and calm.

Post-Holidays Wrap-up

Goodness, I've somehow managed to miss a month between entries again. It's been an eventful month, that's for sure.

Christmas Eve was spent decorating our tree here before Jim and I headed to Jersey to decorate the tree at Momolla and Daddum's place. There was warmth and laughter and cookies and the wrapping of many presents and then we all went to bed. Jim and I slept next to the tree all night, which was pretty cool. Christmas morning came, and as usual, I had to drag my family out of bed to see all the pretty presents and to have some fun. I even waited til dawn this year, I've no idea why they're always so grumpy.

Christmas morning was lovely, Santa was almost as good to us as we were to each other. Jim got the monitor he'd been begging for, and I got some amazing presents. Jim got me a spinning wheel! The rest of my family pitched in and bought me rovings and pretty fibers to play with and as soon as everyone had opened their gifts and there was even a little room, we started putting the wheel together. Without a picture. Or directions. It was an adventure, and eventually I left Jim and Daddums to figure it out together, since it made them so happy to have something to play with.

We eventually packed up and headed for home to spend some time with Jim's family. We hosted Christmas dinner this year, and because of our crazy work schedules and such, we didn't manage to get to the store to pick up most of our supplies. Of course, not a single grocery store was open on Christmas Day at all. I figured we'd still be all right, Jim's parents were bringing us a ham, at least. And oh, they brought us a ham. A Krakus ham. In a can. Now, forgive me dear readers for this, but I was horrified. I'd never even seen a real canned ham before. I had no idea how to cook it or what to do and so I might maybe have possibly been just the tiniest bit freaked out. Internally. It was still good of Jim's parents to bring us food. They're good folk, and I didn't want to be offensive. So, we had a pre-packaged Christmas meal. Between the canned ham, the canned beans, the boxes mac and cheese, and the canned corn, there was plenty to go around, though. And the meal was spent with people we love, so all in all, I guess that's one for the win column.

New Year's Eve was rather less than exciting. I stayed home and went to bed around eleven thirty because my boss decided that I wasn't allowed to take the week and some off that I'd requested a month ago. Why, I'm not sure; she gave me a bunch of lame excuses. So instead of going out or even celebrating at home, I went to bed feeling sorry for myself (i can't be noble and optimistic all the time) because Jim was in Jersey with friends having fun. I got through the night, and the day, though, and was told (through a text message, no less), that I could have the next several days off. I had to call my boss's boss to get this to happen, but hey a win's a win, right?

I spent last week sending out resumes and filling out applications online. I also had dinner with my parents twice, hosted dinner for various people twice, did a little knitting, found an awesome, huge bookstore not too far away, slept, went to a funeral for a friend's grandmother, and played with my wheel. Once it's not incredibly cloudy and gloomy and there's some decent light, I'll post a picture of the wheel for you. Maybe the crap I've been spinning, too, though my first batch of crap was used as cat toys. Mirri doesn't usually play with anything, but she loves the handspun yarn for some reason. And the wheel. She rubs up on the wheel whenever I sit down at it. And when I'm not there, she's sitting right next to it. She's just so damned weird.

And there you have it, folks. How I spent my winter vacation, an essay by Emily. I did some thinking and decided not to make any resolutions this year. Mostly, they don't stick. And I have my 101 in 1001, which I need to review and update. The only thing I would add or change at this point is to be kinder, both to myself and to the people around me. There's really not enough kindness out there right now, with everyone so uncertain and afraid of the economy and the future. This is the time when we need to band together and be good to ourselves and good to one another, and I think that's doable. And it needs to start here, now, with me.

There's not exactly a lot of knitting news to share at the moment, I've been absorbed with spinning, and learning the many things that can go wrong. Bells recently mentioned that she spun for an hour and a half the other day and forgot to take a break. I spin every day, but I have no idea what it's like to get that kind of wheel time in. See, my wheel lets me know when I need a break. She either snaps the yarn that binds her treadle to the driveshaft (i have a tendency to use automotive terms in reference to parts of my wheel, and it amuses momolla) or she launches the flyer across the room for no reason. My personal favorite, though, is when she slips the yarn off the hooks on the flyer and instead of winding onto the bobbin, it winds onto the shaft of the flyer instead and then ends up so tightly stuck I have no alternative but to cut it and spend lots of time swearing. It's been a learning process, it really has. I have the treadling motion down pretty well, and I'm starting to be able to spin while I treadle instead of parking and drafting, so that's good. The whole doing one thing with the feet while doing something else with the hands routine is not unfamiliar, so I think I'm starting with an advantage. Colleen says spinning looks peaceful. I defy her to sit behind the wheel and tell me that. Even once I got the motions down, peace didn't enter into the equation, just a kind of fierce concentration. Ah, well. It'll come eventually.

Sorry for the hugenormous post, guess I was feeling like chatting more than I thought. Time to go eat and get ready for work again. I hope your day and the rest of your week are peaceful and productive.

Sharing the Season...

...because it's been a cold, miserable rotten day, filled with cold, miserable rotten people. So, instead of whining about that, I thought I'd show you guys how pretty part of my house looks. I've been decorating a little haphazardly as thoughts and ideas come to me, and as I think of new ways to use my dollar store finds.
You guys have all seen the chandelier, right? The lovely, classy, elegant chandelier? Coll covered it in that awful fake spider-web stuff for Halloween, so I retaliated this Christmas by covering it in garland and some fake light bulbs. We're very mature in this house, and we show it in our elegant, refined decorating scheme. Martha will be bringing the photo crew later to do some shots for the spread she promised me...



This is my endtable, which in and of itself is not particularly exciting. But look, it has a book on it! That is my very own Christmas book! My parents have a book that they write in every year after the holiday to keep track of what treasures were given and who we celebrated with and to capture the feel of that particular year's Christmas. We love to go back and read it, remembering past holidays and special moments. When I officially moved out for real this time, Momolla and Dadumms gave me one. Apparently, Dadumms picked it out, which touches me.

I found this little guy at the dollar store, and he makes me smile. He's so round and happy looking! The perfect Santa. The fake pine garland behind him came from the same place, and I'm really impressed with how well it looks sitting coiled up with my lights. Not bad for a buck!







My banister was just begging for some decorations, so I wrapped it in more of the pine garland and some ball ornaments I purchased at the dollar store (yes, i bought a lot. the fumes in that place, they make me lightheaded. i go in to browse and come out with a dozen shopping bags and no memory. it's probably better that way). And to cap it off, there's a nice big red bow wrapped around it. Guess where that came from? No, go on, guess!

And this lovely exhibit is my desperate attempt to cover what could be called the world's ugliest coffee table. I took the odd scraps of wrapping paper we had lying around and put them down on the mirrored surface (jim's mom trash picked it for us, we're pretty sure it used to belong in a coke house, and we don't mean the soft drink) and taped it. I added my usual tea lights and TA-DA! Instant holiday cheer. Martha will love this idea, but remember, you saw it here first! Oh, I almost forgot to mention the loveliness that is my centerpiece. I took a glass vase and filled it with the rest of the dollar store ornaments, some dollar store pine bits, and some other dollar store garland. Actually, the whole thing probably only cost me five dollars to make. I feel pretty frugal and smart now!


All right, I'm feeling better, and it's definitely getting on towards time for bed. I wanted to mention that these pictures are only possible because I cleaned the front rooms again. The kitchen is still waiting for me, but it'll keep for another day. I realized about a week ago, we've been living in this house for a year next week. Mike has never yet cleaned the bathroom. Or the front rooms. And I think he's taken the trash out once. He's never mown the lawn. Somehow, this offends me. I'm thinking of going on cleaning strike until we can establish a fair way to divide up chores. Any thoughts on how to present my feelings without being evil? I had an evil roommate for a while, I don't want to be her. Anyway, here's hoping your week goes smoothly and your weekend is lovely. Dadumms and I will be shopping Saturday, I'm excited!

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas...

...at least around my house. To be entirely honest, I wasn't quite feeling the whole Christmas Spirit thing until sometime today. Theoretically, I knew it was coming. Logically, I was starting to plan. And yet, I didn't have that special feeling.

I am, by nature I suppose, one of those people that love Christmas. I love the class, the kitsch, the smells and the excuse to buy everyone presents. I love the exquisite agony that is waiting for Christmas morning. I have heard rumors over the years that Christmas is for children, and I think it's a lie. Children aren't the only ones who can feel wonder and joy and anticipation. They're just cuter and less jaded (usually. there are some pretty jaded kids out there) and less affected by all the pressure and the noise and the stress. I have come to believe that Christmas is what you make of it. If you are spending time with those you love, surrounded by warmth and light and laughter, what's not to love and be excited about? If you are listening to the messages around you that if it isn't perfect, it's not worth doing, then you're bound to be stressed. One of my favorite Christmases was the one we all had the flu. We were all exhausted and muddled. But the day was peaceful and joyful in its own way. Sure, there was some puke. But I think it says something about your family when you can remember the less-than-perfect holidays fondly.

I don't mind the bustle of the mall, I don't mind the pressure to find the perfect gift. I am painfully broke, so I just ignore that. Most of the people I know are a little strapped for cash, and we're all on the same page about buying or making something small to let one another know we're all being thought of and cared for. I have knitted/am knitting scarves for my Jersey girls, who I'm hoping to get together with for the first week of January. I guess, when you don't have a lot of cash to spend, it's easier to tune out the messages about perfection and how you have to buy the it gift for everyone or they'll hate you for ruining their holiday. Truth be told, I wouldn't buy the it gift if I had money. Colleen and I went to the dollar store today and came away with some great finds. Who says you need to spend a fortune on tree trimmings and such? We bought toys for our landlady's holiday party, which they have to raise toys and funds for Toys for Tots. How can you say no to that? Everybody deserves a surprise, something special, at this time of year. I just took a little of the money that I'd meant to use for Christmas supplies and re-directed it. I will get by with fewer ornaments on my tree, especially if I know that I made a difference for somebody out there.

And call me naive, but I love that this is the season of light. Sure, people are greedy, selfish, angry buggers. But for a month or two out of every year, most of us can suspend that and believe that magic really can happen and that there really is room for kindness and miracles in our hearts. More than any other time of year (unless you're a knitter; the generosity of knitters knows no bounds and no time constraints, i have found), people are willing to open their hearts and their homes and to try to love and understand one another. That, dear friends, is magic. And there is hope, for peace and for safety and for all the good things that seem so far away the rest of the year. How can you argue with that?

And besides all the mushy stuff, there are Christmas lights, and giant inflatable things and reindeer that light up and move and trees that blink furiously through the night. And there are cookies. Who doesn't love a holiday with cookies? Personally, I'd get behind National Word Problem Day if there were cookies involved. Especially Momolla's cookies. And there are all the wonderful traditions we have. I almost prefer Christmas Eve to Christmas, because we get to trim the tree. Something about putting the lights and the tinsel and the ornaments up is magical and precious to me. When we were small, we were told that Santa decorates the tree every year. Just a little more magic for the season.

So, sorry to dump on you all. I think I've been feeling the need to defend the holiday to myself a little. There are a lot of folks I've met through work, both customers and co-workers, who think I'm not quite all there because I love this time of year. I maintain, Christmas is not just for children. It's for anyone who can still open their heart and feel the wonder and the joy and the and the magic and the possibility.

"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play.
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll'd along th' unbroken song
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair, I bow'd my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song,
Of Peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With Peace on earth, good will to men."

That's what I wish you all this month, this Christmas, this year. Whatever you celebrate, wherever you go, whoever you are with. Peace on earth, good will to men. And the wild, sweet music and freedom to feel wonder and joy and hope.