Quickie....

...to let everyone know that there will be a full entry (sadly, the first in months) on Monday after I've completed the SGK 3 Day for the cure. Training to walk 60 miles in 3 days and raising the required amount of money had taken over my life and a lot of things have fallen by the wayside. The only thing that hasn't, now that I think about it, is my knitting. I've finished two pairs of socks in less than six months, it's a little crazy for me. So, pictures and a retrospective summer blog on Monday. I hope everybody has a fantastic weekend.

Simple Gifts

Momolla's post inspired me today, so I'm going to throw a quick blog out. Things have continued to be hectic, in a more subdued way, and I think it would be good to spend a few minutes being thankful. Right now, I'm grateful that:


* I managed twenty-five minutes on an eliptical machine today. A year ago, I wasn't allowed to go near the things.
* I am healthy and strong enough to walk ten miles at a go (like i did this past saturday).
* I finished my first treadmill socks and am sending them to a dear, dear friend. I also have another quick present in the works for someone special.
* It's nice to be in a position where I have enough to pay my bills and a little extra to buy presents with sometimes.
* I picked two handfuls of tomatoes from my garden today. A few cherries, some romas, and a couple of beefsteaks. They should be delicious.
* There's just been a thunderstorm and everything is fresh and cool and smells wonderful.
* The kitchen is (relatively) clean. And the laundry is done. And the bathroom is clean.
* I'm plying the merino I've been spinning since May. It will be gorgeous.
* Today, I woke up next to a wonderful man who I love deeply. I'll probably fall asleep next to him, too.
* There is about two pounds of fudge in the fridge (please feel free to come eat some of it! there's plenty to go around)
* I have a job that I like and I work for a company that regards me as an asset, not a hindrance.
* I can wear high heels to work. They make me feel so feminine and confident.
* I have a group of wonderful online knitting friends who I can share these things with.
* There is a nook in the mail for me, it should be here tomorrow (courtesy jim and a friend from work, mostly!).

That's all I have for the moment. I hope you all have a day (or night) full of sweet things to be thankful for. (i am fighting the urge to add a smiley right here. stupid day job on the internet!)

100* In The Shade...

...and I only wish I was kidding. Seriously, the weather forecast looks like this:
(picture courtesy of noaa.gov)

The coolest it has been in days is about 80*, at night. If we are lucky, we will get massive thunderstorms on Saturday that will cool things down some. In the mean time, we are using the window air conditioners to sleep (i am dreading the electric bill this month), taking lots of cool showers, and not moving around very much. Jim and I work in the air conditioning, but spending the whole day being cool means you are very much unprepared for the massive, blazing wall of heat that greets you as soon as you step out the door.

The tomatoes are turning yellow, the impatiens gave up days ago, and the wildflowers are all looking pretty singed. We haven't had any water restrictions yet, but I have to be careful when I water things, so as not to steam the plants during the day. I'm hoping that this weather doesn't last past the end of the week, or I might not get any tomatoes this year. Thankfully, they seem to be sturdy, determined plants--they have crowded out the peppers I planted along with them. If I'm lucky, we'll get a couple of jalapenos, which I can make some salsa for Jim with (i am not so much for the spicy peppers, but they were a birthday gift from jim's mom).

I'm walking five miles tomorrow night after work. I'm getting a lot better at walking, as goofy as that sounds, and all the training is paying off. However, my feet are getting rough and callused. I'm 'lucky' I haven't lost any toenails yet. This is about the time where I start wondering what I have gotten myself into. We are having a bake sale at work next Friday to try to raise some money for our 30Day team, and I need to put together a few fundraisers of my own. I am always open to fundraiser suggestions, if you happen to know of a good way to make a few dollars for a great cause.

Time for bed now, since we're getting up early to drop Jim's car off at the shop tomorrow morning before work. We might get to take the especially scenic route.

In review:

--It's hot. Very hot. Random-people-walking-up-and-asking-if-it's-hot-enough-for-ya hot.
--This used to be my kind of weather, but I am not doing so well this year.
--The plants are giving up, and I don't blame them.
--Five miles of walking tomorrow. Ten miles Saturday. Six miles Sunday. I must be crazy.
--Jim and I had a date tonight. We went out for pizza, all by ourselves. It was lovely.

Something Gave...

...and it was the blog. True to my promise to myself, I have started saying no. I am not always very good at it, and I still say yes to so many, many things before I say no. But mostly, I am being realistic with myself and letting myself have time to decompress and relax. Unfortunately, that meant that something had to give. That something, as you can tell by my lack of entries, has been the blog. I miss it, and I have been neglecting it shamefully for months now. But when faced with a choice between getting a little more time to relax/sleep/run errands/etc and blogging, everything else won out.

This makes me pretty sad for a variety of reasons. For one, I love writing this blog. It's a way for me to keep in touch with so many of my wonderful friends, and it's a record of where I've been and what I've done, and as narcissistic as it sounds, I like to go back and read entries. For another, I have been maintaining the company blog pretty much by myself, which is a daily reminder that I don't have the willpower and energy to maintain my own. Also, even when I'm not blogging, I get ideas for blogs that start kicking around in my head, asking to get out. These days, they get written in my head, and sort of filed away for later.

Well, I will be neglecting the blog less. Things have settled down into something of a routine. And really, I miss writing here. I miss reading and commenting on blogs (i read a lot of blogs regularly but almost never comment now, which also makes me sad) and I miss feeling connected to my bloggy friends. I've never been good at corresponding or anything that required discipline, but this is fun, and it's one of the few things that I do that is purely for me. Blogging here is purely selfish, and I love it.

And now for something completely different. Knitting! I finished a pair of socks in just a little under two months. Not anything to write home about for most knitters, but I feel like I broke a land-speed record with these. They're plain vanilla socks that I will take some pictures of before I give them to my friend Amy. I discovered I can knit while I walk on the treadmill for my 3-Day training, and that knitting while I walk makes me feel more productive and less like a hamster on a wheel, walking to nowhere. After five miles, I have a good couple of inches of sock to show for the walking, not just some numbers on a screen. I've also finished a scarf I started for Colleen ages ago, plus the second ugly scarf, which is for a friend of ours. I have another plain sock (this one in 1X1 ribbing, for variety) on the needles for working out, and I'm making Jim some handwarmers for the office (when it's ninety degrees outside, it's about sixty-five in our office. we don't like the thought of warmth where we work). I've also cast on for the excellent Brangian shawl, which is lulling me into a false sense of security, thanks to the simple, addictive beginning. I know that in the next day or two, I will be getting to the actual lace part, and punished for my complaisance (not by of the pattern [by the way, uncharts are a great idea], but because i am trying to knit something challenging, and i subconsciously undermine myself a lot when i knit something challenging).

Through all that, I am also spinning. I took a break in spinning the-merino-project-that-won't-end-but-I-don't-mind-spinning-it-because-it's-so-pretty and spun up a little bonbon of fiber. It was angora and something so soft I couldn't stop petting it. After a quick, rough spin, I have a very small quantity of this yarn as a single (it was two ounces, and I spun it rather thickly with lots of soft, fuzzy slubs. that was totally, totally intentional. yeah. intentional) and I'm not sure what to do with it, other than pet it. I am thinking I might use it to edge something, since it's so soft and fuzzy. Like, say, a second set of handwarmers for me.

It is time for me to go find breakfast/lunch/food now. Jim was hit with a wicked stomach virus earlier in the week, which he passed on to me just in time for me to miss the fireworks yesterday (i may sort of hate him a little for that. i love the fireworks) but I am feeling pretty well today and can't wait to eat more than two slices of toast and an egg (yup, all i ate yesterday, and i almost couldn't keep the egg down. thanks, jim). We have tomorrow off for the holiday (Independence Day here in the US) and we are planning on sitting around, drinking cold liquids and not doing much, as we're expecting temps near 100* F ( 37.7 *C) and we don't have air conditioning in most of the house. I hope you are all having a great weekend, and that you are blessed with cooler, milder weather than ours.

In review:
--I suck at blogging at home, for a lot of reasons
--My nemesis at work got fired. I feel sort of sad, sort of happy
--Blogging should happen more regularly here, hopefully
--Knitting is happening at frighteningly quick speeds (by my standards)
--Spinning, not so much. Still plugging along, though
--Stomach viruses make your natural inclination to motion sickness worse, and mean you can't drive to the next state over to see the fireworks with your family and friends.
--I miss you guys

To My Father...

Thank you, for all the lessons you've taught me. I've seen a lot of parents in my time, and as far as dads go, I think I ended up with one of the best.

You taught me the value of hard work, that no job is ever beneath you, so long as you do it as well as you can. You taught me that there's no shame in being broke, and that no matter how much or how little you have, there is always enough to share with someone else.

You taught me patience, and the value of controlling my temper. You taught me how to fish (though i couldn't catch one today, if my life depended on it) and that tools are awesome.

I know you wished for a son, but you have loved your house full of women, anyway, and that daughters weren't a consolation prize for you. Watching you and Jim interact, and the way you've welcomed him into the family, gives me more joy than you can know.

You taught me that it's never too late to achieve your goals, and that there's no time to start working on them like the present. You (and mom) taught me what a good marriage is, and what it's like to love and respect your partner.

You taught me that a sense of humor will get me through pretty much everything, and that there is nothing, no situation, that is too serious to be laughed at. Gallows humor is some of the most cathartic.

You taught me what family is, and that it's not always the people we're related to by blood. You taught me what generosity, of time and of spirit and of self, truly are. You taught me that no matter what, I am loved, and that family supports one another.

Gods help you, you tried to teach me about beer (that one will probably never take, i'm a hard liquor girl).

You taught me about perseverance, and about not quitting. You taught me about strength, and courage, and loyalty. We have not always gotten along, we've actually butted heads pretty often (i was not an easy teenager, or an easy young adult), but it makes me proud and happy that we not only get along, but we enjoy one another's company now. So thanks Dadumms, for everything you've taught me. They're lessons I carry with me everyday.

Requiem...

...for my Aunt Joan, who died today. I never had much of a relationship with my grandmother, but thanks to Aunt Joan, I never felt as though I was missing out. She was strong, kind, loving, and tolerant. A Christian in the best sense (she believed, but never forced her views on anyone). The keeper of my family history, teller of the stories I would never have heard without her. The anchor that gave me a sense of history, of permanence, and the comfort of knowing about my family's past.

Today, the world lost a wonderful woman. Today, I lost a part of my heart. Today, I am trying to celebrate the woman she was, rather than mourning my loss of her. But I am not having much luck, and while I am celebrating her life, I find I can't stop mourning her passing. Today, I realized she will never dance at my wedding, meet my children, or watch me graduate college.

I realized, with a certain amount of horror, that I don't have very many specific stories about my aunt. She has been a part of my life, but I have more of a general sense of comfort, love, strength, and humor, than I do a stock of anecdotes. I'm not sure how to feel about that, but I am holding that sense of her close, and remembering her.

"And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in."

--Jimmy Eat World

Rest in peace, Aunt Joan. You are loved, and missed, and will not be forgotten.

Off...

I have recently discovered several facts about myself. To help make things coherent (and a little quicker, since I'm still not blogging from my computer), I have organized them into helpful bullet points.

Discovery 1. I have a very had time telling people no when a)I am asked to help on a project, whether it be at work or outside the office b) a friend or family member asks if I would like to hang out/go somewhere/do something/etc. no matter how busy I am or how much else is going on or c) volunteers are needed for something.

Discovery 2. I am very, very good at managing my time when I am outside the office, to the point where most of my weeknights, and all of my weekends are so segmented it feels a little bit like I'm back in school, what with all the switching off and the segmenting of days.

Discovery 3. It is supremely difficult for me to balance work, sleep, feeding myself and others, training, softball (i joined a sport, go figure), keeping my house from becoming a health hazard, and my hobbies.

Discovery 4. Failing to balance these things correctly results in me curled up in a ball in my shower sobbing because the laundry needs to get done, the house is a wreck, I am exhausted, and there hasn't been a day off in weeks.

And there, my friends, lies the problem. I have been trying to be everything to everyone and to do everything all the time for months now. That has resulted in me needing to be 'on' all the time. You know, having to be awake and motivated and productive and functioning and whatnot. There hasn't been a weekend, much less a week, where my schedule has not looked like I was on some sort of twisted media tour from hell. What little time I've spent at home has mostly been used for cleaning, catching up on laundry, and playing 'what's that smell?'.

I'm not sure quite why I feel compelled to let myself be this busy. I know what my limits are pretty well by now, and I know what happens when I push them. I think a large part of it is that I'm compensating for last summer, when I didn't go anywhere or do anything and was barely conscious for two months or so. I don't want to feel like a lump sitting on the couch for days on end. However, I don't want to end up feel exhausted and overwhelmed all the time, so I think it's time for a break.

Yup. I'm going to start standing up for myself. I'm committed to some things, like my 3-day training and softball (they needed another girl to play, and i am a sucker), but I don't need to book my weekends or my off nights quite so frantically. I need to make sure I have time to do things like nap, and read, and stare off into space, and weed my garden, and spin and knit and generally just relax. I'm not setting rules for what I will and won't do, and where I will and won't go, but I am going to make sure that I have at least a day to catch up on the housework and relax.

Even as insane as things have been lately, I've managed to finish two long-standing works in progress. They're both scarves, so I feel particularly accomplished. And now, I'm allowed to start my lace shawl for me. I also started a plain sock over the weekend. I'm going to be daring, and see if I can finish a whole pair of socks before the end of the year. Since I have six more months, and no other small projects that I can travel with, this just might work. I wouldn't recommend placing bets on it, though. Especially because I just dyed my first batch of roving this week, and I have another neglected craft I'd like to start working with. Now that there's light, and I have space in the house, I'd like to start doing some lace work. And, since I am nowhere near my camera, I'll have to leave you with a picture of the antique materials I inherited a while back.

In review:

--Less insanity, more relaxing, probably more blogging. Total win. All coming soon.
--I actually finished two projects, but they are both one-row scarves, so they're not very exciting.
--I actually hit the ball and made it to first base in our most recent softball game. I am impressed with myself, as that's been my only real goal, aside from not getting hit with the ball.
--I dyed some fiber, but it hasn't been washed or dried yet, so we'll see how it turned out later this week. It's mostly sort of pinkish.
--Someone asked for a link to donate to my 3-day fund, so I am including one here. http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2010/PhiladelphiaEvent2010?px=4909297&pg=personal&fr_id=1468