Why I'm Walking

...because I've been trying to figure out some easy, effective fundraisers so I can participate in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure this autumn. I'm committed to walking 60 miles in 3 days, and to raising $2,300 for breast cancer research, and the question I keep coming back to in my head is, 'Why?' Why would I want to train for months, sleep in a tent, use port-a-potties exclusively for days, buy multiple pairs of walking shoes, spend my time soliciting money that most folks don't have to give, learn how to use a treadmill, or spend 3 days away from home, exercising?

The easy answer is my family. Three of my dad's five sisters have battled cancer and won (one of my aunts just beat cervical cancer a second time, and unfortunately another one just found a tumor in her brain). His mother wasn't so lucky. One of my cousins was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 25, and we just lost one of my mother's cousins to pancreatic cancer a little while ago. Cancer runs strong and vicious through my family, and I want very much to see a day when none of my amazing relatives will have to go through the diagnosis, treatment, and recovery process. We are a strong, resilient, goofy group of people, but enough is really enough already. I think we could use a break, and finding a cure for breast cancer is a key that could unlock a cure to other forms of cancer.

I'm also walking because the statistics scare me. One out of every 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. I know and love way more than 8 women, and it breaks my heart to think of any of them suffering and fighting through this disease. In the US, a woman will die from breast cancer every 13 minutes, and be diagnosed every 3 minutes. The biggest risk factors include getting older and being a woman--things which none of us can actually control. These are numbers, which don't always hit as close to home until you really think about them. In the time it takes me to write this blog, two women will have died from this disease. That's sobering as hell.

I'm doing this to honor all the people that gave me so much support and love while I was going through the Alien Spine Baby Saga. Because of all that love and support, I was able to bounce back from some pretty major surgery as quickly and well as possible. A big part of the credit for that goes out to my amazing surgeon, and to the hospital staff that took such good care of me. A bigger part, though, goes out to my family (my whole family, not just the blood relatives) who sent me get well cards and movies and toys and books and lovely knitted things, held my hand while I was crying, brought food when I couldn't cook, and surrounded me with so much love that I knew, no matter what, I was not alone. This walk, this gesture, is a way for me to help pay some of that wonderful positivity forward. It's a way for me to give some of the care and support that was given to me back out to the world.

So, that's what's worth it to me. Those things, but mostly those people, are worth doing something big and crazy and a little amazing for. They're worth sweating and training and raising money for. And if I can pull this off and walk in the 3-Day in five months, it will be something to be proud of.

Working BLog...

Today's blog is brought to you by none other than my work computer, since the home computer is still very much out of commission. I'm going to try to track down my awesome install disk so I can go back to enjoying the wonder that is having your own computer at home.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the wonder that is sunshine and warmth. This time three weeks ago, it was about 40* (which translates to about 4* for our Celsius-using friends) and we were wondering about more snow, while we were being rained on profusely. Currently, we're experiencing some serious warmth (87*/30*) and there isn't a cloud in the sky. This is the kind of day when everybody should have the day off, so they can bask in the sun on a nice rock like a newt.

The gorgeous weather has been great motivation to actually accomplish so many of the things I've been putting off. For instance, the bedroom is clean now (i even make the bed most mornings. i feel like a spokesperson for the bureau for adults acting like adults). There's nothing on the floor that doesn't belong there, and bag after bag of trash was taken out. That kind of cleaning requires a merciless mindset, and I had it. The rest of the house is looking pretty good, too. I still have some things that need a better home than the one they have, but the house is clean. The floors aren't sticky, there are no cat-sized dustbunnies, and you can actually sit on the couch because there's no clutter on it...Well, there's less clutter on it. A lot less!

I've been trying to get some time to play out in the garden, too. Now that there's light out when we get home, I've been trying to do gruntwork like breaking up sticks and turning the soil over, so that over the weekends, I can do the fun bits like planting things and shopping. Jim's mom gave me some plants for my birthday, so we have tomatoes and a couple of jalapeno peppers ready to go into the ground when the weather's a little more stable. The strawberries are starting to take off, and I'm looking forward to having some berries to show for them this year. We're also discussing adding some more flowers and pretty things, along with the useful ones. And who knows, I might give growing herbs another try.

I've been going to the gym at least twice a week faithfully, too. I'm starting to feel better already, in that I can walk up two sets of stairs before I get out of breath. It's good to feel like I'm making progress on that front, too. I saw a movie in the theater last weekend, and got to walk down the same hallway I did last July. This time, I walked tall and straight and laughed with my friends the whole way. I didn't even realize how big a change that was until we were out in the parking lot. It feels good to stop and think about how far I've come in such a short time, and to think about where I was and what was going on a year ago. I've come a long way, and that feels awesome. I lost so much of last summer to painkillers and just trying to heal (at best, i have very fuzzy memories of everything from june-late august), that it feels like I'm trying to make up for lost time.

My birthday this year was peaceful and fun. Jim and I watched a movie and ate pizza Friday night, then the family came over for dinner on Saturday. Momolla brought tacos and red beans and rice and Kate made a gorgeous cake. Kate and Patrick gave me some pretty roving, and Momolla and Dadumms enrolled me in a fiber bon-bon of the month club. I'll be getting cute little bundles of exotic fiber to play with every month for the next five months, which will be awesome. Jim gave me something shiny for my birthday--his great-grandmother's engagement ring. This is the fourth 'not an engagement ring' he's given me, and I very nearly hit him. We ended up having a good talk later that day and discussed things pretty calmly. Jim is either a) very confused about what he wants out of our relationship or b) particularly terrible at expressing himself. Apparently, when he said he didn't want to get married, he meant that he didn't want to get married now (what a difference a word makes, eh? i wish he had added that word the first time we talked about this). Things are better now, thankfully. Less tense and emotional.

Time is unfortunately up, so here is your review:

--Sun is good. Rain is less good, but we get much more of it.
--The house is clean. Like, really clean. It's amazing.
--Got some wool and some bling for the birthday. Good stuff.
--Bear with the crappy formatting, I had to type this in notepad, then copy and paste into blogger.
--Jim is taking me on a special date for my birthday. He won't say where we're going to dinner, though.
--Laptop still has computer disease. This makes me want to use a sad smiley. :(
--Smilies are usually pretty goofy.

Hiatus...

Somewhere along the way, I lost a couple of months on the blog. I apologize for my unplanned, unannounced absence. I don't have much of a reason, except that when you spend your entire day on the internet, it can be kinda tough to make yourself hop right back on as soon as you get home. In order to catch everyone up on the amazing happenings in the World of Em, I have prepared some bullet points for you. Think of it as kind of a longer version of the review section at the end of entries.

--Snow. There was lots and lots of it. For ages. I was pretty sure it would never go away, and that the whole world would be covered in it forever.

--The snow melted, at long last. We've moved on to Pennsylvania's favorite spring-autumn weather pattern. Rain!

--That's all right though, because I have never had to shovel rain off my sidewalks.

--There have been just enough warm, sunny, beautiful days to prove that such things exist, in between the snow and the rain. We tried hard not to get used to them.

--This year, there will be a real garden at my house. Last year, I wasn't up to much maintenance or planting, but this year will be better.

--We already have strawberries planted, and a few that might have survived being weed-whacked last summer. We gave them up for dead and were pleasantly surprised to see some green on the stumps of the plants.

--There is no engagement ring in my near future. The whole 'go look at rings with my sister line' apparently was not an indication that there might be. In fact, Jim is actually not for marriage in general, or ours in specific (though, he wants us to live exactly as though we were married. just without the actual marriage process. no, i don't get it, either). Still not sure how I feel about this, or how this will impact us long-term.

--I turn 24 in a few weeks, not sure how I feel about that, either. Mostly, I'm pretty happy that I have made it another year.

--Are you guys familiar with the Susan G Komen Foundation 3 Day walk? I signed up as part of a team with some women I work with. We're pretty psyched, though I am secretly wondering what the hell I have gotten myself into.

--One of the things I have apparently gotten myself into is regular appointments at the gym. Also, buying a pair of athletic sneakers. Sneakers that are expensive when they're on sale, no less (i will be damned if i buy the hundred and thirty dollar shoes the nice man in the store told me all the walkers loved).

--One of the hazards of my job is that I keep wanting to use smilies whenever I type anything. And since I generally think smilies are kinda goofy, this drives me crazy.

--My computer picked up a malware program somehow, and then a particularly nasty virus as soon as I cleared that out. Jim is working on the virus, but I can't use my computer at home. I'm not sure how this happened, since I don't exactly open unknown email attachments or watch any internet porn.

--I have a nemesis at work. He's our new guy, and I think he has trouble respecting me because I am less than half his age. He's learning, though, and I'm learning the best ways to handle him. Having a nemesis makes for good work stories around the house.

--I am finally almost done with the red silk spinning. It has taken forever, because it turns out I'm not actually a fan of spinning silk. I changed my drafting technique, though, and that seems to be helping.

--I am also finally almost done with a number of warm, snuggly scarves. This is perfect timing for spring, no?

--Roxie sent me a hat. It is purple and has shiny bead dreadlocks on it and I love it.

--Eating healthy is all well and good, but fruit just isn't the same as potato chips with a sandwich.

--One piece of chocolate is also not as good as two, or many.

I am fast running out of time and things to say, so I will post this up now and humbly beg your forgiveness for neglecting you all. Here's hoping your weather is warmer and at least a little drier than ours is.

Work Blog...

...is what's been keeping me busy of late. My boss was 'let go' about two weeks ago, and I'm still not entirely sure why. I was reassured, though, that it had nothing to do with me. While I was pleased to be told that it had nothing to do with my performance (which i didn't get. why would the fire him because i was bad at my job? wouldn't they just fire me, instead?) I feel bad for him. Nobody likes to be fired.

What this means for me is that I'm handling any leftovers from projects he was working on, and now I'm sort of in charge of our company blog. Our readership is pretty low, but we're building. And we'd gotten to the point where we would have at least two entries per week, and some pretty good content. The original plan was to put the blog on the back burner, but I sort of persuaded my new boss (one of the owners of the company, which is pretty weird) that we didn't want to lose our momentum. And, being an ass who never knows when she has enough work, I told him I'd be happy to provide content. If you're so inclined, you can head on over to blogDOTamericanmuscleDotcom (i'd provide a link, but then my whole department would be able to find the blog, and i'd be paranoid for all eternity) and see some of my finely crafted prose. Anything that's by AMStanger is me. It's been an adjustment, learning to write for the company blog, since the audience is so vastly different (largely men, who read at about the eighth-grade level). It's kep me busy, but I think it might have earned me some points, too.

What else have I been up to, you ask? Well, I've been battling a sinus infection for several days now (i broke down and saw my doctor yesterday, and i'm glad i did) and it was a losing battle for a while. However, I now have good drugs, and am on the mend. I've also been knitting busily away on some of the many, many scarves I have in progress. I promised myself that when everything I'm making for someone else is done, I can start a lace shawl for me. I'm leaning towards Adamas, but we'll see how that goes. There is still no spinning to report. Christmas took over my living room, and it's more trouble than it's worth to me to try to access my wheel and supplies right now. Soon, though, the clutter will be put away and I can spin again.

In other news, I went to the mall with a couple of lady friends over the weekend and got my finger sized. It's a size seven, which is a good thing, since that's the size most jewelry store sample rings are. And while we were there, I happened to try a few one. And since Colleen was with me, she took a few notes to pass along to Jim. I know he won't be looking for a ring with any seriousness for a while, but it was kind of nice (and very, very surreal) to see a bunch of pretty diamonds on my hand. Momolla thinks this is a strange way to go about things, and that we'll be married pretty soon (not likely). I think it was just a fun way to pass some time at the mall. And it means more to me that Jim is thinking about us getting married, because he doesn't normally think of the future the same way I do. It's nice to know he's thinking about us spending it together, though.

In review:

--If you Google search 'alien spine baby', this blog is the first thing that pops up. It's probably wrong, but I think that's incredibly cool.
--'Alien lung baby' still lists the blog on the front page.
--Sinus infections suck
--I'm writing for the company blog now, which is a very strange thing.
--I love Christmas, but can't wait to pack everything up this weekend.
--I have too much stuff. Time to donate!

Here's to 2009...

...The Year That Could Have Been Worse. That's how I think of it in my head. Sure, '09 sucked it's share of unpleasant male anatamological parts, but it could have sucked more of them, and harder. And through all that sucking, I learned a lot.

For instance, I learned that you really do find out who your friends are when you need them. You find out right quick, in some cases. You'll discover who takes days off of work to come visit you while you recover, or who attends a fundraiser to help you get back on your feet.

I learned that there are more people than I ever imagined that care about me. That's an incredible, and an incredibly humbling, feeling. Just when I thought I was the most alone, the most isolated, I discovered that I had a huge extended family to lean on. My family spans continents, and the globe, and it's full of people that I'm proud and honored to be loved by. This blog, and you, my darling readers, gave me more support and love and strength and hope than I ever imagined possible.

'09 taught me that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for, by far, and that no matter what, I am never broken. My mate lost his job, I had major health issues, lost three months of income, and still made it through in tolerably good mental shape. In fact, I'm happier and more comfortable with myself than I have been in years. I have overcome major obstacles, and I managed to do it without spending too much time as a soggy, weepy mess.

In 2009, I learned to let go of the things I can't control, and to accept that sometimes, I can't control everything, even by sheer force of will. '09 also taught me the power of karma. If you put good out into the world, it will come back to you, whether you feel you deserve it or not.

2009 taught me about commitment. Through the entire Alien Spine Baby Saga, Jim went to every doctor's appointment, every test, and every procedure with me. He held my hand through everything, and was as strong and steady and hopeful as it's possible for someone to be. When times got tough, Jim got tougher, and taught those tough times that they didn't know the meaning of tough.

This past year was an eventful one. It had its good moments, and its dark ones. There have been worse years, and better ones. But if I had to pick one word out to describe 2009, it would be: love. Love may not conquer all, and it may not make heroes out of cowards. But it will grant courage to a failing heart, compassion to a friend in pain, and hope to a despairing family. So, since I'm not going to make resolutions this year (i have my 101 to work on still, and that's keeping me plenty busy), I'm going to pick a theme for 2010, and it is love. Plain and simple and beautiful. So, happy 2010, blogfamily. I love you all.

In review:

--2009 was crazy. Straight up crazy.
--I'm not at all sorry to see it go. Not even a little.
--Reading my blogs from earlier this year is depressing.
--2010=love
--Love is wonderful, but it would be okay with me if 2010 also equalled increased personal fortune. Just sayin'
--I have a girl date this weekend. We're going to the mall. Where there are jewelry stores...

The Best Ever!

There's a running joke in my family that each Christmas is The Best One Ever, because each holiday is filled with love and laughter and warmth and goodness. This year was no exception. Christmas Eve, Jim and I woke up late, packed the bounty of presents we would be distributing into the car, and headed to my parents' place. We got into town and discovered that Jersey ended up with far more snow than we did for once, and we were pleased to have that be the case. Once we made it safely to my parent's place, the good times commenced. There was food to be eaten, punch to be drunk, a tree to be decorated, and presents to be wrapped. It was a lovely evening, and Jim and I spent the night next to the Christmas tree again.

Since it has been brought to my attention that my family finds my childlike wonder and glee a bit excessive on Christmas morning, I elected to read for a bit once I woke up and spare them the usual antics. Nobody noticed, naturally, nor was particularly thankful for my forbearance. Kate and her man wandered over early (7:30, which is about our usual time, i think) for breakfast and presents, and we had a lovely time discovering how good we were to each other. I ended up with a brulee torch (i have wanted one for years, i feel every home renter should have one), some gorgeous laceweight that will be a shawl for me, and a shopping spree from Jim, among other things. Jim was gifted with two bottles of his favorite vodka from various housemates, a fancy keyboard, and an Xbox controller. He's decided he wants an antique rifle, but because of the weather last weekend, I wasn't able to get it for him before Christmas. Still, better late than never, no?

After a lovely brunch, we headed back home for the next round of presents with Jim's family, and to start dinner. Once again, we were spoiled lavishly, and returned the favor in kind. Kate and Patrick came up for a dinner of ham, mashed potatoes, and various vegetables. The company was wonderful, and the food was pretty tasty. The best part, though, was that Jim's mom did the dishes! After dinner, we all sat around keeping each other company, and Patrick and I played a round of Left 4 Dead 2, our current household obsession.

The rest of the weekend has been peaceful and quiet, and thanks to the rain yesterday, most of the snow is gone. Jim took me out for the first round of my shopping spree, and our first stop was wonderful. Since I spent so much time in a work uniform before this job, and so little in presentable clothing otherwise, I asked for clothes for Christmas. Jim gave me a gift card and free reign. We stopped at Ross and picked up about eight different shirts (only two or three of which are black. i'm trying to add some color to my wardrobe. it's sort of working) and a gorgeous cranberry-colored blazer (it makes my waist look tiny and my bust look enormous. i am in love) and then headed for the mall. That, dear friends, was a mistake. We sat in traffic for about forty five minutes after what is normally maybe a fifteen minute ride. We finally made it to the mall, and it was crowded. We dared to try a jewelry store so I could get my finger sized. No such luck. They weren't very busy, but they were definitely trying hard to ignore us. This was the case in very nearly every store we went to, sadly. I came away from the mall with nothing but a new bra, since I need one without an underwire. Still, I have a good chunk of money left on my card, and we can shop some other weekend, when things are less frantic.

Today, I'm relaxing and knitting one of the scarves I've promised to various people. I'm also going to find myself a gorgeous lace pattern to make a shawl out of. Since there's no time limit, and I've managed a basic piece of lace, I'm feeling adventurous. We'll see how this works out.

I hope everybody's holiday was full of warmth and love and laughter and wonderful people and good food. If it wasn't, you can feel free to come spend the holiday with us next year, we'd be happy to show you a good time.

In review:

--Christmas rocked! Hope yours did, too
--I am never going to a mall on December 26th again. Ever.
--Lace knitting is on the horizon. Once I get through these plain scarves, anyway.
--There's too much stuff in my house for me to spin right now. That makes me all kinds of sad.
--Four-day weekends fly by like you wouldn't believe.
--Comment moderation has been turned on because some of my posts are getting spammed. Sorry, guys.
--Jim told his sister it was okay to take me ring shopping. I'm trying not to make too big a deal out of this. Probably not succeeding, though.

Almost Ready...

...for Christmas, of course! The house is decorated, the tree is standing proud (and tall, much to colleen's dismay) and is covered in lights and ornaments, and at long last, almost all of the shopping is done. We got some snow this weekend, and were only just able to get out to shop for a few hours today.

I'm not sure what our final snowfall totals were, but I'm inclined to call it 'enough' (it's drifted in a lot of places, but it comes up to just about my knees). Jim and I went out to grab some groceries yesterday and check road conditions, and things were gross. We decided to cancel all of our plans and stay inside. Dadumms and I had planned on doing some shopping together today, but things were still pretty messy when I woke up, and I decided it would be better to try to get some of my shopping done locally than to risk heading down to Jersey. I missed shopping with Dadumms this year, we go every year we're able to shop together. It's a lot of fun, unless we've both got the flu and are pumped full of cold medicines.

We've only got a three day week coming up, because Jim and I both took Christmas Eve off. It was a delight to me to just be able to submit a request and have it approved without threats, drama, or other types of insanity. I could get used to this.

Jim and I are heading down to my parents' place Christmas Eve, then back up here Christmas Day, where we'll host dinner with his parents. Kate and Patrick might come up, if they're feeling like making the drive. I invited Momolla and Dadumms, too, (and el, naturally) though they don't like to travel on Christmas. Momolla's response was that they would come up when I had small children. Hopefully, she realizes that there will be no children here for years yet. I'm finally starting to get my life back into some semblance of order, and I'm not prepared to start a family until I've finished school and made a few other changes.

Our company let Jim and me spearhead our annual Toys for Tots drive, since our landlady is involved with the organization, and we wanted to contribute this year. Last year, we were all incredibly broke, and we bought as many toys at the dollar store as we could. I sacrificed some of my already tight decorating budget for it, but we were determined to bring some toys with us. This year, we were able to pick up several toys of our own to donate, and our co-workers helped us fill the back of my Jeep. Our goal is to raise two truck loads next year. We are nothing if not ambitious.

It felt really, truly wonderful to be able to give to charities and to help people who needed it. This has been an undeniably tough year all around, but I am finally in a position to help. I'm not rich, but I'm also not forced to choose between food and fuel for my truck any more. There have been so many times, especially this past year, when people have stepped forward to offer me support and assistance. It was fantastic to know that I was able to do the same, albeit rather more anonymously. There are still things I want but can't afford, but those are all luxuries. I have enough, more than enough, to survive comfortably, but there are so many people out there who don't. We also donated to a huge local food drive put on by our favorite radio station every year. They raised over 150 tons of food. I can't wrap my mind around that number, it's so high. This food drive is one of the primary sources of supplies for the food bank they support, and the donations are put to use year-round. Because of the economic upheaval the country's gone through, demand is even higher than ever. Amazingly enough, so were donations. Just when you think there would be less donations, less support, less resources, people dig even deeper and surprise you.

Some people tell me Christmas is for kids. They see how excited I get by the lights and by the magic. Maybe that's the part we lose as we get older, the magic. But to me, it's always there, every year. Because for a span of a few all too brief weeks, people are willing to come together to help one another. We believe that one day, there will be peace on earth. We give because it's right, not because it's easy or makes us look good (though there really is no wrong reason to give). People see the potential for kindness and compassion that we have, and they go out of their way to realize it. We concentrate on the people we love, even the ones who drive us batshit crazy, and we are softer to them (unless they are eating all our cookie dough or refusing to let us get a big christmas tree) , and to ourselves. There's magic in getting a present, in realizing somebody loves you enough to give you something. There's even more magic in giving something to the people you love. There is magic in being surrounded by family (and we all know that two people can be a family, and that family of the heart is as valid as family of the blood) and friends. There's so much magic in sharing warmth and laughter and comfort. The beauty fades and the magic wears off so quickly, we have to savor it while it lasts.

I have been absent from the blog much more than I like recently, because after I spend my entire day on teh interwebs putting out fires, I pretty much come home and goof off, then go to bed. I still love my job, but it's becoming apparent to me that my company is not as strong on the planning front as I would like. We recently started a promotion in conjunction with two of the forums we work with to offer a $12 gift card for $10. It's a pretty good deal, and we had good, strong sales on these cards (one guy bought 110 of them. i hate him). We also offered 'random' car parts and gift card upgrades. What we forgot to do was find a let people buy a $12 card for $10. Our computer generated about 370 $10 cards, which we sent out to customers. Once we caught the error, early last week, we spent the whole week running around trying to fix things. It's been a long, exhuasting, irritating process, and the whole sorry mess could have been avoided if any of us had stopped to think. A whole lot of people looked at this promotion before it went live, and none of us questioned how we'd make ten equal twelve. but for all that, I still have the best job ever.

In review:

--Tree? Check!
--Lights? Check!
--Tchockes? Double check!
--10 does not equal 12. Assuming it will if you just tell people it does will not make it so.
--We were able to donate to a food drive, and to Toys for Tots. It feels great to give back.
--Spinning? What spinning?
--Snow is really pretty, until you have to dig your car out and shovel your walk. Then the novelty wears off really fast.
--Holy crap, it's going to be 2010 soon. Shouldn't we have flying cars and food replicators by now?