...I had some minor stomach issues on top of a cold on top of some lovely cramps. Anything I'd written Sunday or Monday would've involved more obscenities and rage than even I am comfortable with. Even I don't feel the need to share everything.
And if my post previous to that was a little emo, I apologize. One of my 101 things to do is to make peace with myself. It sounds lofty, but really, I spent a long time hating who I was and what I was doing. I am trying very hard to get to a point where, though I may not be my own biggest fan, I am at least comfortable with who I am and where I am. It sounds so pretentious for someone my age to talk about wisdom and finding self-acceptance. What, in the grand scheme of things, do I really know? But I haven't had an easy life, and nothing I've ever had has been handed to me. Even self-acceptance is something I've had to work for, a goal I've had to achieve on my own. I have had a wonderful support system, but the work has been my own. And so, if I sound overly emotional, or cliched, or even pretentious or arrogant, my apologies. This blog is more about my life and my experiences than any one other thing (so much for knitting, eh?), and I try not to censor or edit my thoughts too much. If there is one thing I am not, it is fake. This is me, love me or leave me.
And that's enough of the melodramatic self-examination. On to more interesting topics! The random one-row scarf nears it's completion. I'm just knitting until I run out of yarn, or get close to it. I'm debating some tassels for it, but I think it might look better plain. I spent two miserable days sitting on my couch drinking insane amounts of fruit juice and knitting, so I got a good couple of feet done. I am working the toe decreases of my (first) TDF (tour de failure) sock, and trying to remember to buy a scale to make sure I'll have enough yarn so I don't spontaneously combust on my couch. Everything else is still in stasis, but progress is slow and steady. Right now, that's just about all I can manage.
I am reading, though. When work gets too distressing, I find a little escapism is in order. Knitting is a productive, interesting hobby, and I enjoy it quite a bit. But reading, oh that's my passion. I go through books the way some people go through, well something they go through really quickly. My favorite room in the house is the library, because I can always find something to read. And right now, escapism is a good thing. My company is switching our service writers (that's me) to commissioned pay rather flat hourly rates. They tell us it's going to work out better for us all in the long run, but I am not stupid, and I have been around the whole corporate block a few times. My company is failing, and at this point, they are not trying to put more money in my pocket. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but at this point, I have a gut feeling that the company is doing this to weed out the people who aren't performing well. And if it does turn out we make more this way, it won't las much longer than it takes to get rid of the lower-performing employees. Ah, well. Just one more issue at work. And I have yet to hear from my employment agency in regards to a better placement. I think it's time to move on and try another department or another company.
And that, my friends, is about all I have for you today. I'm going to drive to the grocery store and buy a pre-cooked meal. Don't tell the Bureau of Adults Behaving Like Adults. I'm already on their watch list for spending the last two days in pajamas!