Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Off...

I have recently discovered several facts about myself. To help make things coherent (and a little quicker, since I'm still not blogging from my computer), I have organized them into helpful bullet points.

Discovery 1. I have a very had time telling people no when a)I am asked to help on a project, whether it be at work or outside the office b) a friend or family member asks if I would like to hang out/go somewhere/do something/etc. no matter how busy I am or how much else is going on or c) volunteers are needed for something.

Discovery 2. I am very, very good at managing my time when I am outside the office, to the point where most of my weeknights, and all of my weekends are so segmented it feels a little bit like I'm back in school, what with all the switching off and the segmenting of days.

Discovery 3. It is supremely difficult for me to balance work, sleep, feeding myself and others, training, softball (i joined a sport, go figure), keeping my house from becoming a health hazard, and my hobbies.

Discovery 4. Failing to balance these things correctly results in me curled up in a ball in my shower sobbing because the laundry needs to get done, the house is a wreck, I am exhausted, and there hasn't been a day off in weeks.

And there, my friends, lies the problem. I have been trying to be everything to everyone and to do everything all the time for months now. That has resulted in me needing to be 'on' all the time. You know, having to be awake and motivated and productive and functioning and whatnot. There hasn't been a weekend, much less a week, where my schedule has not looked like I was on some sort of twisted media tour from hell. What little time I've spent at home has mostly been used for cleaning, catching up on laundry, and playing 'what's that smell?'.

I'm not sure quite why I feel compelled to let myself be this busy. I know what my limits are pretty well by now, and I know what happens when I push them. I think a large part of it is that I'm compensating for last summer, when I didn't go anywhere or do anything and was barely conscious for two months or so. I don't want to feel like a lump sitting on the couch for days on end. However, I don't want to end up feel exhausted and overwhelmed all the time, so I think it's time for a break.

Yup. I'm going to start standing up for myself. I'm committed to some things, like my 3-day training and softball (they needed another girl to play, and i am a sucker), but I don't need to book my weekends or my off nights quite so frantically. I need to make sure I have time to do things like nap, and read, and stare off into space, and weed my garden, and spin and knit and generally just relax. I'm not setting rules for what I will and won't do, and where I will and won't go, but I am going to make sure that I have at least a day to catch up on the housework and relax.

Even as insane as things have been lately, I've managed to finish two long-standing works in progress. They're both scarves, so I feel particularly accomplished. And now, I'm allowed to start my lace shawl for me. I also started a plain sock over the weekend. I'm going to be daring, and see if I can finish a whole pair of socks before the end of the year. Since I have six more months, and no other small projects that I can travel with, this just might work. I wouldn't recommend placing bets on it, though. Especially because I just dyed my first batch of roving this week, and I have another neglected craft I'd like to start working with. Now that there's light, and I have space in the house, I'd like to start doing some lace work. And, since I am nowhere near my camera, I'll have to leave you with a picture of the antique materials I inherited a while back.

In review:

--Less insanity, more relaxing, probably more blogging. Total win. All coming soon.
--I actually finished two projects, but they are both one-row scarves, so they're not very exciting.
--I actually hit the ball and made it to first base in our most recent softball game. I am impressed with myself, as that's been my only real goal, aside from not getting hit with the ball.
--I dyed some fiber, but it hasn't been washed or dried yet, so we'll see how it turned out later this week. It's mostly sort of pinkish.
--Someone asked for a link to donate to my 3-day fund, so I am including one here. http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2010/PhiladelphiaEvent2010?px=4909297&pg=personal&fr_id=1468

5 comments:

Roxie said...

OK, pull your socks up and get your priorities straight. Your first job is to take care of yourself. Grab that calender and schedule time for you first, then fit the rest of the world in around that. If you budget your income by spending it first, and saving what's left over, you will find that there's nothing left over. It works the same way with your time.

Rose Red said...

I was going to suggest the same thing as Roxie - make sure you schedule in some "me" time - every week (or even every day, if you can). And don't feel bad about saying "no", or rescheduling some things to a later date.

Donna Lee said...

So, let's do the bbq some other weekend and take Mem Day weekend off. Why schedule a dinner when you're feeling exhausted?

I've gotten better at saying No as I've got older. I don't care as much what other people think and I am taking care of myself. If you don't no one else is going to make sure you're rested and fed (you moved out of the house and I don't live with you) You have to be your own Mom.

Kim said...

I have the same problem. And it just results in me going until I basically collapse and refuse to get out of bed. I've been working on it.

Galad said...

I'm still working on that saying "no" thing. Sometimes I do better than others. Taking a step back and re-evaluating is a good start to reclaiming your balance. I am also very glad you are healthy enough to even have this problem, considering where you were last year!