Saturday, May 29, 2010


...for my Aunt Joan, who died today. I never had much of a relationship with my grandmother, but thanks to Aunt Joan, I never felt as though I was missing out. She was strong, kind, loving, and tolerant. A Christian in the best sense (she believed, but never forced her views on anyone). The keeper of my family history, teller of the stories I would never have heard without her. The anchor that gave me a sense of history, of permanence, and the comfort of knowing about my family's past.

Today, the world lost a wonderful woman. Today, I lost a part of my heart. Today, I am trying to celebrate the woman she was, rather than mourning my loss of her. But I am not having much luck, and while I am celebrating her life, I find I can't stop mourning her passing. Today, I realized she will never dance at my wedding, meet my children, or watch me graduate college.

I realized, with a certain amount of horror, that I don't have very many specific stories about my aunt. She has been a part of my life, but I have more of a general sense of comfort, love, strength, and humor, than I do a stock of anecdotes. I'm not sure how to feel about that, but I am holding that sense of her close, and remembering her.

"And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in."

--Jimmy Eat World

Rest in peace, Aunt Joan. You are loved, and missed, and will not be forgotten.


Monique said...

Em. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Hold onto that feeling of her. It will bring you more strength than a few stories.

Much love to you


Rose Red said...

I'm sorry for your loss Em, I hope you are doing ok - hugs to you.

Galad said...

That she gave you that sense of love and comfort throughout your life is a wonderful thing and has certainly helped make you the person you are today. I am grateful you had such love in your life and am thinking of you in your sorrow. Hugs

Donna Lee said...

And she loved you. She was proud of you and the young woman you are.