Wednesday, May 27, 2009

All my Life's a Circle...

...and I can't tell you why. But some good things are starting to happen, finally. We're moving towards the up part of the cycle, for which I am grateful. For a while, I was wondering if there was an up side to be found.

Jim's been hired to work for americanmuscle.com, a company that sells performance Mustang parts over the phone. He'll get his own cubicle, make fair money, and work good hours. He's excited, and I am, too. This sounds like it'll be a good opportunity for Jim, and a decent place to work, too. Jim's glad to be done searching, too. He's been trying really hard to stay positive, but I can tell he was worried. They're even fine with Jim taking his fourth of fifth day off of work to be at the hospital on the 8th. The only down side to that is that I'll be spending a lot of time after my operation at the house alone, but I have some friends who will come up and get me juice and remind me to eat.

Speaking of the surgery, I'm a bit frustrated. Because I have two surgeons, I have to sign two sets of consent paperwork. I have to drive to Philadelphia, at least a forty minute drive, to wait an hour or so to see my doctor, to spend fifteen minutes confirming that yes, I know what's going to happen and signing paperwork. It has to be done in person, in the doctor's office, or they won't operate on me. I understand the need to cover themselves legally, but well, I know what this operation entails. I know that it's a serious thing, and I know what the possibilites are. I have already signed off on this, and it just frustrates me to have to waste and entire morning sorting out two pages of paperwork. Weren't computers supposed to make paperwork a thing of the past?

Work has been pretty rough, too, since I'm just being reminded why I hate my job so much. Still, I only have a few days left to deal with all the drama and all the angry people, and then I have eight weeks to worry about other things and get ready to look for a new job again. I can make it! I'm trying to keep using Tylenol to take the edge off of my chest pain while I'm at work, but it's just not doing the trick. My doctor's office gave me something new to try, and I don't think I'm a fan. It still makes me dizzy, and it left me hungover this morning, since I took some not too long before bed last night. I'm trying to control the pain as well as I can, since Melissa the intrepid nurse tells me that if your pain isn't under control before an operation, it's much more difficult to control afterwards.

It makes me a little sad that I've learned so much about pain lately. It has its own language, its own set of rules. You have to learn to talk about your pain, to analyze it. Is it throbbing? Stabbing? Pulsing? How long does it last? Are there triggers? How does it rate? Doctors and nurses ask you continually about pain, they tell you not to be brave or to tough it out. To admit that you hurt and how you hurt. I never make a secret of it when I'm in pain, but it's still strange to talk about pain, to get to know it, to recognize it as part of you. Something about all that makes me feel old.

It's getting a little late, and I should get to sleep soon so I'm rested up for another long day tomorrow. I hope the last couple of days between you and the weekend go quickly and smoothly.

7 comments:

Dianne said...

Congratulations, Jim! Wish I could give you a magic pill to make the pain go away. I'm so glad the surgery is the early date to you can let the healing begin that much sooner.

Bells said...

Oh good one Jim! that's great news. I hope it works out.

And yes, describing pain is weird. the last time I was in hospital for pain, the ENDLESS questioning from all different angles was strange. I got myself very confused about what I had or hadn't said already.

Donna Lee said...

There is a huge initiative to pay attention to pain in the health care industry, thus the questions. Since I was brought up to "suck it up", I have a hard time admitting I have pain and describe it? Hard.

I'm glad Jim got a job. I know it made him nervous. And I have an idea of how you can have some help for those first tough two weeks.

Roxie said...

Hooray for Jim!

And hooray for you, you survivor! Only a few more days to go, a few more paperwork piles to plow through, and then you can be done and focussing on your recovery. If you had a big white bandage on your arm or a cast on your leg, people would be nicer to you. That damn schwann just doesn't show.

Julie said...

Congratulations, Jim! Yay!

Talking about pain seems totally counter-productive, doesn't it? You spend all your waking and half your sleeping hours trying to ignore it, and then the doctors want you to give an analysis for them. But they really need to know that stuff because different pain means different stuff CAUSING the pain, and different medications to treat it. Still. It'd weird, isn't it? Hugs.

Galad said...

So glad to hear the news on Jim's job. That has to be a relief for both of you. (Less stress is always a good thing!)

Dealing with chronic pain is tough. Not only is it physically and emotionally wearing, but is trial & error to treat. Hang in there :-)

Rose Red said...

Yeah, the pain thing must be very weird - I'm not good at "reading" what my body is saying, so it must be difficult.

Great news about Jim though, that's fabulous.