Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Emo Post!

'Cause you guys said I could be emo. Biopsy #2 is done now, and I am home, recovering and drifting around in my head. They gave me a percocet after, so I'm a little spacey. I'd like to say I acquitted myself well during the procedure, but that would be a lie. And one does not lie to one's blog. This hurt. This hurt a lot, and it continues to hurt, good drugs or no. I didn't move the whole time, but I cried like a sissy when the good doctor man stuck the big needle in me. I couldn't help it, 'cause well, I hurt. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain (i've got tattoos and piercings, i can handle pain) but this was extraordinary. Why this never occurred to me, I don't know, but there are definitely enough nerve endings on your internal organs that you can feel it when they're being poked at. And the sensation of the needle piercing the lining around my lung was a) gross b) weird and c) awful. Thankfully, no lung collapse today. But my goodness, I hurt. And I couldn't flinch or anything, so I just laid there and cried because I was tired (i think i managed about an hour and half of sleep last night, cumlative) and scared and lonely and hurt and for the life of me, I couldn't keep myself together. So yeah, that sucked. The medical staff were all really kind and helpful, one particular nurse held my hand and told me it would be over soon, and I was too busy gritting my teeth to thank her. And thinking mean things about my doctor man. There was some of that, too.

Anyway, I'm home now and that whole awful mess is behind me and it wasn't even as terrible as it could have been. Depending on how things go, I could have the biopsy results in a few days, or the pathologists might be stumped and have to send the samples out to some exotic research centers for more diagnosing. I know one thing for sure, though. If this biopsy doesn't tell us what this is, one way or another the mass is coming out. I am not sitting through another biopsy, and no force on Earth will compell me to. In fact, the next person to suggest they might like to poke around my lungal region with anything sharp will probably get beaten. Or stabbed. I have nice, pointy knitting needles.

I'm just feeling battered and sorry for myself, which I expect will pass when I get some sleep. Jim has taken the bestest care of me since we woke up this morning, he even bought me chocolate. Isn't he a sweetheart? I mentioned doing the dishes and he told me that my only job today was to take a nap, he'd handle the cleaning. And judging by the way everything feels all swimmy now, it's probably time to go do my job.


Dianne said...

Aw, you poor sweet thing. I've been thinking about you all day long, hoping it wasn't too bad. Here's a very gentle virtual hug, 'cause it would hurt too much to give you a big ol' virtual bear hug! Hugs to Jim for taking such good care of you, too. Give in to the Percoset - it's wonderful stuff.

Bells said...

Oh no wonder you had trouble holding it all together. Some moments there's just no holding it. Not one bit.

The only internal organ I've had prodded is my uterus and I figure that's something everyone knows can feel things. It never occurred to me that other internal organs would be felt. How very strange. Thankfully it's something most of us never have to experience and I hope there's not much prodding or anything else left for you, you poor girl. Big hugs.

Rose Red said...

Oh, I would have cried too. And probably screamed and no doubt swearing would be involved too. I'm so sorry it was so painful but so glad it's over and you have lovely Jim to look after you. Take it easy lovey - it's not just physical rest you need but mental rest too - the worrying and crying takes it out of you. Take care and gentle hugs.

Galad said...

That sounds like a perfectly lousy experience, so thank goodness it is over. You did well. Nicole probably would have thrown something or bitten someone and mostly certainly would have cursed a blue streak!

I bet you are sore with all that poking around. Rest yourself and let Jim do the chores. He sounds like a good guy :-)

Donna Lee said...

Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. You've earned it. And I won't let anyone near your lungal region with a needle. I have shart things too.

Kate said...

I'll huggle you as soon as you feel well enough to have me up to do so! I love you, Em, and you're doing so well to get through this without killing anyone. I'm sure I would have gone on a killing spree by now.
Patrick says that he hopes you're all right and that he "...hopes you snap that alien baby's neck. Show that bitch who's boss!"

Roxie said...

Don't you wish you could have grabbed that doc by the balls when he picked up that needle, and told him, "I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me." He'd be a squeaking soprano today, and still curled in agony over his crushed nuts.

I'm SO sorry! How dreadful that must have been! If you managed to lie still and not scream out loud, you did better than I would. You are a brave, brave girl and entitled to all the emo you want.

On top of the pain, is the heartfelt horror at having your inner organs poked at. The fact that they didn't let Jim stay and hold your hand is appalling!! The brutes!!

At least you don't have to get the garden hose in your chest. Don't expect to bounce right back and start digging up the garden or whatever. Be gentle with yourself for a while. Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat your mom if she had just been through that procedure. It's OK to be a baby!