You know you've been in a relationship for a while when you start to develop your own language. See, murt is a word I made up a while back when I was grumbling and muttering and Jim and I (and even colleen) have put it into use. Murt expresses disdain, frustration, anger, sadness, and general grossness of feeling. It's a multi-use word, and very handy for when you just can't put your finger on the right word. Today, I am murt. I am the mayor of Murtistan. I am the Murtfullest citizen of the great planet of Murt. Today is not my friend.
See, I found out today that my PET scan is canceled. Really, that's not so terrible, I can re-schedule it. But since my insurance company (we'll discuss them more later on. they're also on my shit list) only has the inconclusive results from the first biopsy to go by, they won't approve a PET scan. Now, they know the results are inconclusive and show inflammation. But they choose to interpret that as not showing evidence of malignancy or something like that. And there are no results from the second biopsy yet. Naturally, since no stage of this has been easy, Pottstown couldn't identify the alien lung baby and had to send samples out to the Mayo Clinic or to an Air Force (or maybe army, i forget. i was a little overwhelmed when this was being discussed, having just been poked with many sharp things) base in Washington, D.C. We are still crossing our fingers and waiting for results, hopefully we'll still know what's going on by Thursday. The bright side of this is that I'm able to have a real day off tomorrow. The down side is that if I do really need this test, I'll have to wait even longer for it, since it's tough as hell to get a PET scan appointment.
And my insurance company sent me some paperwork today letting me know that I have several claims pending review, since this might be a pre-existing condition. If they decide, upon medical review, that this is the case, I could come out of this whole wonderful experience with tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt. The insurance company is sending me a questionnaire, I'm going to see what I can do about this. I somehow doubt that this is a pre-existing anything. And I'm going to refer to this as an alien lung baby and declare myself the foremost expert in the area of alien lung babies. That way, I can tell them with absolute certainty that this is a recent development. And then we'll be done. And if they won't pay for this for some reason, I'm going to have to auction off everything I own just to get this handled and I might cry. And be living in a box. Because, you know, this just wasn't tough enough before.
And to top everything off, a little old lady called me a bitch tonight. She came in and told me she needed a headlight put in and that she had a church meeting in fifteen minutes. She was really mad when I responded that we had two people in the shop in front of her and that I could get her car in the shop in about half an hour. Things got better from there when I refused to have my mechanics stop working on the cars that they had in the shop so they could fix her problem immediately (one of the customers had been there for a couple of hours. i would like to see the old bat explain to the customer waiting for her car back what made her so special) and in front of a customer she called me a bitch. I really, really wanted to ask her why she's special. I really, really wanted to tell her to suck on my dick and choke on it. I especially wanted to tell her to get out, that I didn't need her brand of crap because I have a lot of crap in my life right now. I wanted to tell her that there is an alien baby in my lung and that I don't give a hot, wet shit about her car or her church meeting and ask her if she talked to god with that mouth. But that seemed a little inappropriate, since there was a friendly customer standing right in front of me who didn't need to hear any of that. And actually, he gave me his business card and told me that my manager could call him if the old bat called a complaint in to my corporate office. He'd stick up for me and tell everyone how professional I was. So that guy's cool in my book. The old bat, though... She'd just better hope I don't see her car parked somewhere. I know a lot of ways to make it so your car won't start. Because to demonstrate her sweetness even further, she drove around to the back of the shop to talk to my mechanics directly. They said they couldn't help her and she told them how kind they are. She also told them I'm going to hell. When I came out to tell her again that I could get her car pulled in shortly, she told me I would get my reward. I told her to have a nice evening. Sometimes, I hate people.
And my lady boss has a new favorite at work and I am not it. She's prepping him to be the assistant when my dude boss who gets things done and everyone really likes leaves. And I think that'll go poorly. I'm also already getting shit from her about the two weekends I requested off (they're a month apart. nobody else wants the time off. there are no conflicts. none) and she told me that she'd "been really lenient with this." and we couldn't discuss anything any further because there were customers to help. But, um, excuse me? Been really lenient? There is an ALIEN BABY ON MY LUNG! I am not making this up, could not make this up if I tried. I have worked while going through some pretty rough issues here. And right before and right after some pretty rough medical stuff. Screw your leniency. In fact, screw you, woman. I called out once because I had just had tubes shoved down my throat and had a fever and was coughing up blood (no worries, the doctor's office said that it was normal. gross, but normal. and the fever was related to the plague i'd had for a while. not just any cold for me, i get the plauge) and she wanted to know if I was sure I wouldn't make it in. When I told her there was a chance my lung would collapse with this last biopsy and I might maybe spend a week in the hospital she said, "Oh, so I should have Jeff close that Friday, then?" So. My job. Not my very favorite right now.
So yeah. I have had it with today. And really, with my life in general right now. I'm trying to let the shit from work roll off my back because there are so many more important things for me to deal with right now. And I'm trying so hard to stay positive and to be strong and to keep moving forward with my life. I'm trying and trying, and right now, I don't think I'm doing a very good job. Honestly, right now I feel kind of broken. It's me vs. life and life is so kicking my ass today.